As wedding planning becomes more expensive, the checklists get longer, and lives get busier, many couples are left wondering: is a rehearsal dinner really necessary? In this blog post, we’ll explore the pros and cons of having a dinner after the rehearsal to help you decide if this tradition is right for you and your partner.
The Tradition of a Rehearsal Dinner
The rehearsal dinner is a meal that follows the ceremony rehearsal. The rehearsal itself takes place a few days before the wedding and is essentially a “run-through” of the ceremony. From where to stand, where to sit, where to walk down the aisle, what songs should be played and when, to the vows and more, it ensures everyone is confident ahead of the celebration itself.
The rehearsal usually includes the soon-to-be-wed couple, their bridesmaids and groomsmen, parents, ushers, musicians, officiant, readers, flower girl, ring bearer, and anyone else who is participating in the wedding ceremony in some way.
While the rehearsal itself isn’t mandatory, some venues prefer you to have one to ensure all questions are answered. As a wedding expert with over 15 years’ experience, I strongly encourage you to have a rehearsal. It calms everyone’s nerves, allows for some mistakes to occur (and be fixed) before the big day itself, and will give everyone an opportunity to ask any questions.
Now, the dinner – that’s an entirely other conversation.
The tradition of having rehearsal dinners has evolved over time. It began as a nice thing to do for those who took the time to rehearse with you. Now, it’s considered an event in itself! It’s more common to have a rehearsal dinner than to skip it, as people have come to expect it over time. The rehearsal can be long, boring, and Everyone’s hungry; people gotta eat anyway! :)
But don’t let that fool you: a rehearsal dinner is NOT mandatory – but it is nice to have.
Here are some reasons why couples choose to have one, why some couples choose to skip it, and what to do for either scenario to fit with your budget – or prevent any communication issues that may arise.
Why Some Couples Choose to Have a Rehearsal Dinner
There are three main reasons why couples opt for a rehearsal dinner.
To Give Thanks
Some couples like to have a dinner with their closest family and friends to thank them for taking part in the rehearsal. Since it usually takes place in the evening, everyone has to eat anyway – so it makes sense to invite everyone to join in a pre-wedding celebration.
To Provide Gifts and Get Together Before the Wedding
Couples also like to take this moment to give their wedding party attendants their thank you gifts, especially if the items are to be worn or used on the wedding day (like a pair of bridesmaid pj’s for the morning of, while getting ready, or a groomsman’s bow tie to wear to the ceremony).
It is also a nice time to get together once more before the big day, answer any questions, arrange for any last-minute transportation or lodging accommodations, etc.
Due to Tradition
And third, many plan it simply because that’s the way it’s always been done. If you like the tradition, go for it! There needn’t be a reason, even if it’s just because it follows “standard” wedding week protocol.
Now let’s talk about reasons why couples might NOT have a rehearsal dinner.
Why Some Couples Choose to Skip the Rehearsal Dinner
First and foremost, let’s cover the cost.
Costs Too High
In traditional weddings, the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the bride’s family pays for the wedding. However, that’s the way it used to be and today’s modern wedding era doesn’t necessarily follow the rules. Since many engaged couples are footing the bill for the wedding themselves – and everything that comes with it – they’re finding it difficult to stay on budget while paying for another meal so soon to the big day. Many opt to save the funds for the wedding itself.
Busy Schedules
While not a major reason to not have a dinner, some couples think a rehearsal dinner is not necessary due to busy schedules. With work, school, families, and wedding tasks themselves, some may feel like it’s asking too much of their family and friends to commit to an entire evening right before the wedding.
How to Decide What’s Best for Your Wedding
It’s OK if you choose to not have a rehearsal dinner. And it’s OK if you choose to have one! Remember, the choice is between you and your partner. Here are some tips to keep in mind, no matter which path is right for you.
Parents Paying
If you have parents who are paying for your wedding or offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner, I highly encourage you to consider a rehearsal dinner. To some families, it is customary and, in all honesty, it can be a fun and memorable occasion. :)
Confusion About Dinner
Deciding to skip the rehearsal dinner? Be sure to communicate this to your wedding party and all those attending the rehearsal. Otherwise, guests may be confused if you’re not having one, but don’t mention anything about it. Instead, you can invite guests to the rehearsal: “Please join us for the rehearsal of our ceremony at 4pm. It will take about an hour and then you’ll be free to enjoy your evening.” This tells guests it’s the rehearsal itself – and they’re on their own for dinner. They likely won’t mind and can decide what to do about food themselves.
Don’t Do This
Although it may be tempting to do so, don’t have a rehearsal and then ask everyone to dinner unless you’re planning to cover the costs of the bill. Guests who are invited to a rehearsal dinner should not pay for their meal; rather, the host has the responsibility to foot the bill.
Budget-Friendly Alternative
Of course, the rehearsal dinner doesn’t have to be an expensive event. If you want to have dinner afterwards, but budget is the issue, consider throwing a pizza party or setting up a taco bar at your home after the rehearsal and invite everyone to come. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or pricey. Focus on what’s important: a rehearsal, followed by a nice, relaxing meal with your guests.
How to Invite Guests to a Rehearsal Dinner
If you’re planning to have a dinner following the rehearsal, it is proper to invite your guests with an invitation 4 to 6 weeks before the occasion. First, narrow down your guest list (read: Here’s EXACTLY Who to Invite to the Rehearsal Dinner) and then pick out an invitation design you like. The invite doesn’t need to match the wedding, but should fit the tone and theme of the venue where dinner is held.
Plan a casual bbq, a pizza party, head to a brewery restaurant, or reserve tables at an elegant sit-down dinner at a fancy restaurant. It’s all up to you!
Here are some rehearsal dinner invitations to inspire yours from Minted.
► Want to see more? Browse the collection of invites here.
Remember, when you’re facing the difficult decision of whether you should have a rehearsal dinner, keep your values, priorities, and budget in mind. Before making the decision, consult those closest to you to see what they think. Does your partner want to have a rehearsal dinner? Why or why not? Is anyone offering to host the dinner? These are all great things to keep in mind as you choose what’s best for you and your partner.
I hope it helps!
Happy Planning!
xo
Emma
