Do I Have to Write My Own Vows? — Ask Emmaline

Should you write your wedding vows or recite the traditional vows? Let’s explore this advice question! Read on for more + subscribe for more tips like this.

Do you have to write your own vows?

In short: no!

You don’t have to do anything at your wedding that you don’t want to do, writing your own vows included.

Bride-to-be, Marissa, wrote us with this question that I answer in a recent video:

“Hi Emmaline! Should you write your own wedding vows? Is it any less meaningful if I read the traditional ones? I’m nervous in front of a group and I’m already scared enough being up there in front of everyone. Do I have to write my own vows?”

Nope! You don’t have to compose your own vows.

The process of writing and reciting your own heartfelt wedding vows can be daunting to many, and if that’s how you feel, it’s totally OK to read the traditional vows. Standing up there and speaking in front of an audience can be tricky enough, so if the idea of saying your own feels overwhelming, skip it.

Every choice you make in your wedding should be because you want to do it, not because you feel like you have to do it.

Now, if you’re finding the traditional wording is not your style, definitely write down your own! The ceremony becomes more personal with the extra touches you add to it, whether that means your own heartfelt vows or a unique unity candle or a blessing of the rings.

The memorable details are what you add to the ceremony, so if that includes vow writing then do it.

(PRO TIP: Read Wedding Vow Mistakes to Avoid to stay on track.)

If not, find another way to personalize your ceremony in a way that feels comfortable to you.

Here are some additional tips that may help when you’re reciting vows — whether you’re writing your own or reciting classic ones.

Use a vow booklet.

If you’re nervous, bring a vow booklet to help guide you. This is a great tool to have whether your vows are being written in your own words — or you’re writing the traditional ones down. Some people prefer to look at the booklet as they read, and that’s OK. You will most likely be looking at your partner as you read them, but if you are too nervous, having a booklet can help keep those nerves calm (by having something to hold onto).

Here’s a nice set of vow books you may like to use for this purpose from PrettyRobesShop.

Speak clearly.

Speak slowly, clearly, and try not to rush while you’re reciting vows. This is especially important if you are getting married outdoors where it can be windy: guests want to hear what you’re saying! Hopefully, you’ll have a microphone to help; if not, you’ll want to speak loudly, too.

In addition, try not to say your wedding vows too fast. This is essential if you have a videographer capturing the moment. You’ll want to look back and be able to hear what you’re saying and your future self will appreciate these words of advice. :)

Focus on your partner.

If you’re extra nervous, just look into your partner’s eyes, hold their hands, and the stress should melt away. Just imagine it’s the two of you and no one else in the room matters. Often times, once you’re up there in front of your guests, you’ll begin to feel more comfortable and it won’t feel so nervewrecking to be in front of people. Just breathe: the moment goes by too quickly, so try to enjoy it!

I hope it helps!

xo
Emma